Tighter
by Kathrynew30
Summary: He let Logan slip through his fingers. He let him drift away. He should have held on tighter. He never should have let Logan go. AU Jagan. Sort of.
1. Chapter 1

**So, apparently I can only write AU's now. But whatever, Jamez.**

**This was inspired by the song "Tighter" by Fitz & the Tantrums. It's a beautiful song, that everyone should go listen to. But this is definitely different than my previous stories, so I hope people like it.**

**And the rating is for later chapters.  
**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the plot.  
**

* * *

"Mr. Mitchell...Mr. Mitchell!" the girl yells a bit louder than intended.

"Hm, oh yes. Sorry." Logan is instantly back, due to his student calling him. There are a few giggles from the other students.

"May I go to the restroom?" she politely asks, though there is a tinge of annoyance for having to ask so many times.

"Of course." He hands her the pass and leans back into his chair.

His mind has not been on his class at all today, which is something he didn't want to happen. He never wanted to let his personal life affect work, but today is different. Today is the one day where he is not fighting it. Which is why he scheduled his students a test today. It gives him time to just think.

Today he is leaving James.

He thinks this in his head, but he still has this uncertainty of whether he really should. He wants to just be sure this is what he wants and can do it, but it's incredibly difficult.

James and Logan have been together for just over five years and things were great until eight months ago, when James got promoted. And it wasn't even just the job that bothered Logan. He gets that being the assistant to an editor in chief of a book publishing company would mean he would be busy, so it's not the fact that James is always so focused on work. It's that his attention is never on Logan.

Logan doesn't like to be selfish and think that James should only think about him, but there is nothing in the way that James acts that shows that he knows Logan exists anymore.

James used to come home, run to Logan, give him a kiss and tell him all about his day. But the past eight months have been James coming home, on his phone, going to his office and not even acknowledging Logan.

Logan would make dinner for them, but James would either work late or just work at home, leaving Logan to eat by himself and save the rest for James to eat when he finally decided to come out into the kitchen.

On nights when Logan would stay late to work, he would let James know. Calling him or texting him, just so maybe for once, he could come home to dinner on the table with James waiting. But on those nights, he'd come home to find James glued to the computer or phone and take-out in the fridge.

He's not sure what he did wrong. What suddenly caused James to forget he was there.

They still slept in the same bed, but it might as well have been different ones. They slept on either side of it, not once cuddling to each other. Many nights Logan wanted to, he wanted to wrap his arms around him and lay his head on James' chest, but he couldn't. He felt like he couldn't, like he was living with a stranger.

James and Logan know everything about each other, having been together for so long. But now Logan feels like he doesn't know anything about the guy he is apparently dating. Nothing is like it was and nothing between them feels like it did.

He is taken out of his thoughts by the bell ringing, signaling the end of class. He rushes to tell his students to do their homework and read the assigned book, but he knows none are listening They are all hurrying out the door.

He sighs, collecting the tests that are thrown on his desk. He's not sure when he is going to grade them. Maybe tonight, but he's not sure what kind of state he will be in. He's glad it's the weekend, making it easier for him to get back to normal. He knows if he had to work tomorrow, he would probably break down and cry in front of his students. And that's something no student should ever see.

Logan grabs his bag, stuffing the tests in it, and leaves his classroom, locking it up. He is thankful that was his last class, but now he is about to head home and pack his stuff.

Once he is in his car, he sits there for a few minutes. Wondering if this is something he really wants to do. Is he really ready to leave the guy he has been in love with for five years?

But then he thinks about those five years and how their anniversary was a month ago and James completely forgot. James even stayed late at work and when he got home, he slept in the office. He didn't even say a word to Logan at all that day.

So, yeah, Logan needs to do this.

He turns on the car and drives to their apartment.

His nerves finally hit him fully when he steps into his home. It feels like it does everyday, but there is nothing in this day that is like a normal one.

He walks past the office to see papers strewn everywhere. Logan smiles at this. James was never the most organized and with him writing a book, his thoughts are all over the place and all over the desk.

He walks into their room, grabs a suitcase, box, and a duffel bag. He fills them all with his essentials. He's not taking everything just yet, mainly because James is supposed to be home soon and he wants to be ready to leave by the time he comes in.

Logan thought about just leaving a note and walking out, but he knows James would never see the letter until a few days later. And maybe that could be a good thing, but he wants James to feel something. To wake up. To see Logan again.

He has everything he wants for awhile packed and goes to put the suitcase and box in his car. He leaves the duffel bag in the living room. Mainly that's for emphasis, so James will know he is serious.

He sits on the couch, waiting for James to come home.

His heart is beating out of his chest, his hands are shaking, and he is sweating slightly. He keeps re-thinking everything. Debating if he wants to, but he knows he has to. It's just that this is the hardest thing he has ever done in his life and he's not sure what is going to happen.

He has this hope that James will open his eyes and see how Logan has been hurting. He will apologize, beg for forgiveness and shower Logan with kisses. He wants this. Logan wants James to do this and he thinks that if James does, then he won't leave. But he knows that James acting this way, is highly unlikely.

Logan hears the key in the lock. He feels like he is about to throw up, but he takes a deep breath and stands up from the couch.

"Hi," Logan says, once James steps inside.

James is talking on his phone, he holds up a finger, telling him to wait, as he continues to rattle on about something that Logan doesn't hear.

Logan is about to leave him and he can't stop working for a minute to talk to him. In fairness, Logan knows that James has no idea what is about to happen, but he doesn't care. He can think irrationally right now if he likes.

Eventually, James hangs up the phone. "Hey," he says, while rummaging in the fridge for a drink.

"James..." Logan takes a deep breath, "I'm leaving."

James doesn't even look up, he just continues to stare into the refrigerator. "Oh, if you're going to the store, can you get more milk?"

Logan sighs, feeling tears pricking his eyes. But he is not going to let them fall. "No, James. I'm leaving."

Finally, James glances up and shuts the door. He moves to the living room. James notices the duffel bag and the pained expression on Logan's face. "What?" He knows what he meant, but he still can't really understand.

"Look, this," he gestures between the two of them, "is not working anymore and it hasn't been for awhile now."

James' eyes go wide. "What are you talking about?"

Logan scoffs. "Of course," he mutters. "You really haven't noticed the change in our relationship?"

"No."

"We never talk, we never go out and do anything. You're so busy with work now and -"

"Oh," James cuts him off. "I'm sorry that I have a job that I have to do that gives me less free time. I thought you were happy for me?"

"Don't even say that. I am happy for you, so happy. This is bringing you closer to getting your book published, but that's not the problem. Even when you're not working and you're home, it's like you're not. When was the last time you said 'Good morning, Logan' and gave me a kiss before I left for work?"

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes."

"I can do that."

"No, you can't. You haven't for months, there is no way you'll start now." Logan wants to look down, but he has to stand his ground and stare right into those hazel eyes.

"Months?" He raises his eyebrows.

Logan chuckles lightly, he knew James didn't notice a thing. "I'm done." He moves to pick up his bag. He knows he has to leave now, if he doesn't walk away now, then he will never be able to. "Bye." Logan walks out the door and doesn't even look back, even though he desperately wants to.

"Logan." And it's not a plea for him to come back, it's not him yelling for him to stay or him begging Logan not to leave him. It's just like how James would say his name as if Logan had just said a really corny joke.

Logan throws the bag in his car, finally letting a few stray tears fall. He wants to just fall apart and cry forever, but he needs to leave and get to hotel before he changes his mind.

He knows this moment has been building for awhile now. Building's the wrong word, more like collapsing. Everything he knew is ending in front of his eyes. The man he loves is sitting in that apartment, not even coming after him. Not trying to win his heart back.

Logan sighs and finally pulls away. He's not sure what is going to happen now. Everything has changed and maybe that is for the best. He's not sure yet though.

* * *

James watches Logan in his car. He sees him wipe his eyes, take a deep breath and sit there for what feels like forever, but soon enough, the car drives away from him.

He moves to the kitchen and sits down on one of their bar stools, as he runs a hand through his hair.

He can hear his phone ringing, but he cannot bring himself to answer it just yet. He knows it's his boss and she'll be upset that he didn't answer, but he couldn't care at this point.

Months? Has this really been going on for months? Logan has really been hurting for that long? He wonders why he never said anything, why he never confronted him about what has been going on. But maybe Logan wanted James to notice himself.

He knows that work as made him busy and writing his book takes up the time that he isn't working, but he didn't even think about Logan. But that's the problem, he figures. He didn't think about Logan. Has he really ignored him for months?

He continues to sit there, thinking back to every moment. He's not really sure what is going to happen now, he knows Logan won't forgive him that easily and he's not even sure if he can fix himself that easily.

But this was his wake up call. Late as it may be, his eyes are open.

The longer he sits there though, he realizes he's not crying. His heart isn't broken, he's not weeping for the fact that the guy he loves, has walked away from him.

It feels like it always does.

Logan's just in the other room, grading papers. Logan's staying late at work. Logan is picking up milk from the grocery store. Logan is coming back.


	2. Chapter 2

**First off, let me say thank you. The reviews and the amount of emails I got about alerts and favorites was just insane, but incredible. I'm glad you all are enjoying it.**

**But this chapter is going to have another pairing in it, slightly. And if you've read my other story, I think you can guess who it is. ;) BUT! It's not going to be at all what you think. I hope.**

**Anyway, thank you all so much, again. So very lovely. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the plot.  
**

* * *

"_Something filled up. My heart with nothing. Someone told me not to cry._" The song comes on as James' alarm.

He groans, reaching for the clock and hitting the button to stop the music. He prefers to wake up to the radio, rather than an actual alarm. The blaring and annoying beeping was always Logan's alarm.

James turns back on his other side on the bed and reaches his arm out. Every morning he does this now. He stretches his arm out, hoping for there to be a warm body next to him, but every morning he is met with cold air.

He doesn't know why he does this. He didn't do it those last few months with Logan. But now that he is gone, he always hopes that he will be there. That Logan leaving was all just a dream or rather a nightmare. But he feels those cold sheets and he knows it's reality.

He's stupid for letting it end the way it did. For not paying attention. For being a terrible person to Logan.

It's been three weeks since Logan walked out and James still cannot accept it. He keeps telling his mind that he is just out doing errands or visiting his parents.

But one day, when James was at work, Logan had come by and picked up everything that was his. James' heart dropped. Pictures of him and Logan were gone. All his clothes, all the miscellaneous items of Logan had been removed.

That night, he went to take a shower and that's when the realization that Logan was gone really hit him. He slid down the tiles of the shower and cried. Cried harder than he had ever in his entire life, the water mixing in with the tears and washing them down the drain.

James had never felt anything like this before. The pain from Logan leaving was the worst feeling in the world and it was all his fault. He didn't realize what was happening until it was too late.

He pulls the covers off of him, sighing as he steps onto the floor. He walks to the bathroom first, before heading to the kitchen to make coffee.

He had always heard that saying about not missing something until it was gone. He never really understood that until what happened with Logan.

He misses waking up and hearing the water from the shower Logan was taking before leaving to go to school. He misses the smell of Logan's body wash and the steam that would seep into the bedroom as Logan would leave to make breakfast. He misses the fact that Logan would make a pot of coffee and there would be the perfect amount left for James to have his two cups in the morning. He misses those nights he would come home late and see the food that Logan had cooked and left for him, knowing he was busy. He misses those brown eyes and crooked smile. He misses his life with Logan.

But he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't stand missing him. So for the past three weeks, all he does is tell his mind that Logan is coming back. That he's not actually gone. That he didn't actually walk out of James' life forever.

He knows it is ridiculous to think like that. His friends and family keep telling him to move on. But how can he move on, when he didn't even see it coming? Though he should have.

He should have seen Logan breaking little by little, every time James didn't say good morning to him. Kiss him before he left for work. Come home in time to have dinner with him. Kiss him goodnight and sleep with Logan in his arms.

But of course James didn't. He let Logan slip through his fingers. He let him drift away. He should have held on tighter. He never should have let Logan go.

He hates himself for realizing it after it was too late. He wants to talk to Logan. Tell him he's sorry.

James called Logan a few times after he left, but of course Logan ignored them. He doesn't even know where Logan is staying. He has no way to get a hold of him. He's not sure what he needs to do, but as of right now, he is just going to drink his coffee, go to work and live in his fantasy that Logan will be waiting for him with dinner when he gets off of work.

He grabs his cup of coffee and moves to his balcony door. He stares out at the sunrise that is coming up between the buildings. He sighs, taking a sip.

He's dreading his day at work. He dreads work everyday now. It's a constant reminder of how he became so wrapped up in his job that he lost Logan. Though, it's not works fault, it's his own.

He watches the reds, pinks, and oranges fill the living room. What he wouldn't give to have Logan standing next to him, watching the sun rise together.

Finally he breaks his stare, finishes his coffee and sets the cup in the sink. He goes to take a shower. He just needs to get through this day and then he can have the weekend to himself. His boss finally let him have some free time.

He's thankful for the job he has, it has him one step closer to getting this book published. A book he has been working on for three years. Logan was there every step of the way.

He wonders if he gets this book published, if he should dedicate it to Logan. He thinks Logan probably wouldn't read it anyway. He probably despises James. But he would do it, maybe it would heal one of the many wounds between the two of them. Though he wouldn't do it for forgiveness, but for the fact that Logan means the world to him.

Everyday since Logan left, he has wondered what Logan is doing. If he moved on. If he found someone who will make him coffee. Someone who likes to have that annoying alarm wake them up as well. Someone who will ask how his day has been.

James hopes the answer is no. He hopes that hasn't happened. Besides, it has only been three weeks. It's only a matter of time, though.

He doesn't want some perfect guy in Logan's life, he's supposed to be that guy. But he knows that Logan deserves better. Someone who will see him, in a way that James used to, but had stopped.

Finally, James is ready for work. He has on his suit, with his bag around his shoulder. As he walks to the door, he glances at the table and sees Logan's key sitting there. He left it there the last time he came to pick up his stuff.

James thought about moving it. Hiding the fact that Logan doesn't have his key anymore, but now when he stares at it, his mind tells him that Logan forgot his key.

It's the same every morning. James has this dream that Logan will be waiting by the front door, when he gets home and telling James how he was in a rush this morning and forgot his key.

He smiles. Logan rarely forgets things, he only does when he is in a hurry and flustered.

James locks the door, jumps into his car and heads into the city. He just has to get through this day.

* * *

"Logan!"

Logan jumps at his name being yelled. He turns around to see his best friend and colleague walking towards him. "Geez, Mari. You scared me."

"Well, I did call your name like five times before." She sits down at the table in the teachers lounge, next to Logan.

He is staring at his cup of tea in his hand. "Sorry, zoned out a bit."

"I hope you're not doing that in class."

Logan looks up and smiles. "Not as much." He laughs lightly, making Mari smile.

"Well, none of the students have complained, so I think you're good."

"Yeah, like they would really care if I taught the class or not."

She laughs out. "Okay, true."

"So, what's up?" he asks, taking a sip of his drink.

"Nothing, just wanted to come and talk."

Logan raises an eyebrow.

She sighs. "I wanted to see how you were."

"I'm fine." He goes back to staring at the cup.

"Logan, come on. I know that's not true. Why didn't you call me back the other night?"

"I didn't really want to talk. Not just you, to anyone."

"And I still don't understand why you didn't just come stay with me. Did you find a place to stay?"

Logan nods. "Yeah, found a small place near the school. It's cheap, so it works."

"My offer still stands of rooming with me."

"I know, and you're sweet, but I think it's better this way."

"Yeah." She nods, but she still hates seeing Logan this way. "Have you talked to him since?"

Logan finally looks into his friend's face and shakes his head. "Of course not. What would I say to him? He probably doesn't even notice that I'm gone."

"I doubt that, I bet he is going crazy without you there."

"Now that, I doubt. Doesn't matter now. Even if he knows I'm not there, he's probably found someone else by now."

"Hasn't it only been three weeks?"

"Well, yeah, but still. James is gorgeous, he could have anyone." He glances around the lounge, glad they are the only two teachers in here right now.

"And so could you." She grins at him.

"Pfft, besides, I'm not looking for anyone right now."

"Who says anything about a relationship? You just need to get laid."

"Mari!" His eyes go wide.

"What? It's true."

He rolls his eyes, making Mari smirk.

"Knew it. So, I think we should go out tonight. Look for some dudes."

"We are not doing that."

"Why not?"

Logan stares at her like she's insane. "Because I'm not ready for that."

"Oh, whatever. You don't even have to pick up a guy. Let's just go out and have some fun. No more sulking in your apartment."

Logan rolls his eyes again, but he's smiling this time. "Maybe."

"Yes!" she exclaims.

"I didn't say yes, I just said maybe."

"Doesn't matter. I know you and 'maybe' means you are coming with me tonight."

Logan laughs. "Fine, but I'm not looking for guys. Just you and me, having fun. Right?"

"Right."

"Good." He takes one final sip of his tea and stands up from his chair. "Well, I got to get back."

She smiles up at Logan. "Alright. I'll call you about tonight."

"Okay." He starts walking away, but turns around. "Oh, and Mari?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

"For?"

"For just being you."

She laughs, but then just smiles at Logan. "Well, you're welcome? I guess."

He smiles one last time at her and walks back to his classroom.

He's so glad that he has one person in his life that he can talk to about anything and everything.

Logan has known Mari since college. They met their freshman year. Both we're in the same Education class. They've been best friends ever since and it was just coincidence that they both ended up teaching at the same school.

She's actually the reason James and Logan got together in the first place. They both met him at a party one night and Mari kind of pushed Logan into talking to him. It wasn't some college party, but an after party to an art exhibition. Logan didn't think that guy would even look twice at him, but Mari convinced him that James had been staring at him all night long.

When they did eventually talk, they hit it off. It felt like they had known each other their entire lives and they were together from that moment. Four years of everything being perfect and it felt like it never would end. Like it couldn't end. But it did.

He knows that tonight will be good for him. He needs to stop just sitting in his one bedroom, one bathroom apartment and be with a friend.

But he is certainly not looking for a guy tonight. Just spending time with Mari and that's it.

* * *

"Are you ready?" Logan calls to Mari, who is still in the bathroom, getting ready.

"Yeah, just give me a minute," she yells back.

"You know, you called me and said to pick you up. So, I figured that meant you were ready to go." He sits on her couch, opening and closing his phone. It's something he started to do, even before he left James. He always did that, just to see if there would be a text or a call from him. Knowing there wouldn't be, but he still hoped for one.

James used to text him randomly during the day. Logan would go on his lunch, check his phone and just see some random story about James' day that he sent. They always made him smile, but eventually they stopped coming.

"Well, the outfit I had on didn't work."

"I thought we weren't looking for guys."

"We're not, but I can still look good."

Logan just laughs and sits back into the couch, slipping his phone in his pocket. He has to stop thinking about James.

Finally, Mari steps out into the living room, making Logan sigh out a relief. He thought they were going to be here forever. "You look great."

She smiles at him, "And so do you. Guys are going to be lining up outside the door for us."

"Mari," he rolls his eyes.

"Just because we're not looking, doesn't mean there won't be any."

He just smiles back at her. "Let's just go, before you decide to change again."

"Fine."

* * *

"No, just go ahead."

"Are you sure?" she asks Logan.

"Completely." He takes Mari's drink as she goes to the dance floor with some guy. They had just gotten their drinks and someone had already come up to them, asking her to dance.

She didn't want to leave Logan, but he didn't want to force her to stay with him. So, he told her it was fine and that he was just going to just sit in one of the booths.

Mari glances back at Logan before starting to dance with the guy.

Soon, Logan finds an empty table. He sets the drinks down and is about to slide into one of the seats, but a guy bumps into him from behind. He turns around, only to be met with a glass of beer being spilled on his shirt.

"Aw," he groans and looks up at the person who spilled the drink on him.

"Oh, dude. I am so sorry." The guy looks down at Logan, "I totally wasn't looking where I was going." He rushes to the counter and grabs a handful of napkins. He starts to dab Logan's shirt, trying to soak up any beer that isn't already seeped into the shirt.

Logan gently tries to push his hands away. "It's fine." He tries to smile up at the guy. He actually isn't very happy to be covered in the drink and having to smell of alcohol all night long, but he's not going to get mad at him.

"Sorry," the guy repeats again.

"Don't worry about it."

"Well, can I buy you drink to apologize?" he grins at Logan.

"Oh, I see what you did. Spilling the drink was just an excuse, right?"

"Pfft, no," the guy smiles. "But can I?"

"I already have a drink."

"The one on you? Or another one?"

"Both," he laughs, but picks up his glass that he had put on the table to show him he already has one.

"Okay, fine. I guess I will just get myself another drink then, but would you like some company?"

Logan shrugs, "Sure."

"I'll be right back." He smiles one last time at Logan before heading to the bar.

Logan slides into the booth, staring down at his shirt and then glances back at the guy who caused it. This guy seems nice. Logan's not looking for anyone though, so he definitely isn't noticing the beautiful green eyes this guy has, or the almost perfect smile with dimples on his face. And he certainly isn't watching the way his muscles move when he reaches for the next glass of beer.

It's just going to be a friendly conversation with this guy, something Logan needs for once.

Soon enough, the guy is back and moving to sit on the opposite side of the table. "So, what brought you here tonight?" he asks, taking a sip of his drink.

"My friend dragged me out tonight, she's off dancing right now, though. You?"

"Ah, well. I decided it would be better for me to drink alone in public, rather than in my home."

Logan nods; he wants to ask why this guy would be drinking alone, but he doesn't know him that well, so he won't. "Well, you're not drinking alone."

He chuckles. "True. That's why I spilled the beer, to have a drinking buddy."

Logan laughs and takes a sip of his own drink.

"Why did your friend drag you out? You didn't want to come to a bar tonight and drink with a random stranger?"

"Well, I can't say it was in my plan for the evening, but I don't mind. But she dragged me out, because I may have been moping around my apartment for a few weeks."

The guy raises an eyebrow.

Logan isn't sure why, but he decides to talk to this guy about what happened. Maybe because this guy doesn't know him and it's easier to open up to a stranger. "Break up."

He nods. "Oh, bad?"

"Well, I wouldn't say it was bad. There wasn't any yelling or throwing things, just upsetting." He sighs. "I left this guy I dated for five years."

His eyes go wide slightly, confused. "Wait, you left him? So, why are you the one in the bar?"

"Because I still love him." Logan looks up and can tell the guy is still very confused. He takes a deep breath and begins. "We were together for five years and months ago, he started to get really busy with work and our relationship just wasn't like it was. We never talked, went out, kissed. And Jesus, we didn't even have sex those last few months together, " he confesses.

"Oh." He nods his head in understanding.

"Yeah, so I decided that rather than stick around and have him not notice me, I left him, so that ignoring me would be even easier... But enough about me, why are you drinking alone?"

"Ah, of course. Well, since you told me your story, might as well tell you mine." He takes a deep breath as well. "There's a guy I'm in love with, but his job sent him to Germany for six months."

Logan frowns, knowing that must be difficult. "You didn't want to go to Germany?"

"It's not that I didn't want to go, it's just, he doesn't know I'm in love with him. I don't even think he's gay. I've known him for years, but it was just recently that I realized my feelings. Before I could do anything though, he was leaving."

They both sit in silence for a minute, thinking about those other people they love, but are not with.

"We sure have some luck, don't we?" Logan smiles, trying to lighten the mood a little.

The guy laughs, "We really do."

"So, since we shared some of our most personal information, shouldn't we introduce ourselves?"

"No," he shakes his head, making Logan frown.

"Huh?" Logan thought they were getting on well and can't understand why this guy doesn't want to.

"Look, neither of us are looking for anything, right? So, let's just keep this the way it is. No names, just talking with a stranger. Makes it a little easier."

"Well, not when you say 'talking with a stranger.' That just sounds creepy."

He laughs out. "Okay, so maybe it does. But let's just keep it like this."

"Alright," Logan smiles, he actually does like that idea. "So, what do we do now?"

"Well," he starts, but rather than finishing, he gets up from his seat and moves over to Logan's side. He slides up next to him.

Logan knows what is about to happen. He knows he really shouldn't. This guy is a stranger and they haven't even been talking for very long, but to have someone _see_ him is nice. He's been too lonely and company feels good.

This guy moves his hand to Logan's chest, which is almost dry at this point and he starts to kiss Logan's neck. He tries not to make any noise from the contact, but a small moan comes through. He tilts his head, giving him more access.

And now the guy is slowly kissing up his neck and his cheek and moving to Logan's lips. Logan just wants the lips on his own now, so he turns his head and pulls the guy to him. Both are a bit shocked by the move, but both have been needing this for awhile now and neither seem to be able to stop.

They continue like this for what seems like forever, but soon Logan pulls away, panting. The guy's eyes are filled with just pure lust and Logan is pretty sure his are the same way.

He steps away from the booth and holds his hand out to Logan. Neither have to say anything, both know what they want and both know what is going to happen. But before he can pull Logan to the door, Logan tells him he has to tell his friend.

Logan runs over to Mari, pushing through people. She's already smirking by the time Logan reaches her.

"Just go," she says, she had seen Logan and the random guy making out. Normally neither of them would be cool with one of them running off with some strange man, but she knows Logan needs this.

"How will you get home?"

"I live right down the block, I'll be fine. Now go!" She pushes him back to where the guy is standing, waiting.

Logan laughs and gives one last look at her. Mari just winks and goes back to dancing.

The guy smiles and the two of them walk out of the bar and onto the sidewalk. "I don't live too far from here."

Logan just nods. He's so nervous, he's never done anything like this before. He never runs off with random dudes.

The night he met James, they may have run to his apartment. But James didn't feel like a stranger. This guy does, sort of. Really, it's the fact that Logan doesn't know his name. If he did, then maybe this wouldn't feel so crazy. But this is better. No names is better for both of them.

As they walk to his apartment, Logan's mind starts to wander. He starts thinking about what James is up to. If he is sitting at his computer, writing. Or if he is still at work. Or if he is out with some guy.

Logan doesn't like to think that James has found someone new. He still wants to be that guy in James' life, but he's not anymore and won't ever be. Well, at least he doesn't think he ever will be.

He shakes his head. He needs to stop thinking about James. He needs to just focus on this moment right now.

* * *

"Shit," James mutters as the water in the pot starts to boil over the top.

He came home and of course, there was no Logan waiting with food. He decided that he needed to stop ordering take-out and cook his own meal. Something he hadn't done in years. Logan always cooked, mainly because he was better.

He went with spaghetti, just because it was easy and here.

James turns the burner down and pours in the noodles. He sighs. He made it through work with no problems. He was busy enough, so it kept his brain occupied.

But now that he is alone and at home, his mind is filled with Logan.

He knows that he won't be able to keep this fantasy up that Logan will be back any minute. Soon, he is going to have to move on or something. Find someone else? He's not sure if he can do that. There's only ever been Logan and while it didn't seem like it in the end, it really was the truth. James never cheated, but he thinks that maybe his work was like the other person. It took over his life.

As he waits for the noodles to finish cooking, he picks up his phone and calls his dad. His dad had called him earlier, but he wasn't able to talk.

He picks up after the first ring. "James." Even through the phone, James knows his dad his smiling.

"Hey. How are you?"

"Oh, great. Glad you called me back."

"I always do."

"Not lately."

"Dad," he sighs.

"I know, I know. You didn't want to talk, but you know it's not like we have to talk about _that_. We can just talk about the weather."

James chuckles. "Alright. So, how's the weather in California?"

"Beautiful, as always. How's the Big Apple?"

"Cold, but nice. I do miss the warm weather and beaches though."

"Who wouldn't?" His dad laughs, making James as well.

His dad has always been there for him through everything in his life and always knew how to cheer him up. He wanted to talk to him about Logan, but he wasn't really ready. Especially since he hasn't come to terms with it completely. He told his dad about Logan leaving, but that was it.

"But really son, how are you?"

James sighs into the phone. "Could be better."

His dad also sighs.

"I just...I don't know. There's nothing I can do."

"You know what you should do? Just take a vacation. Go somewhere for a few days and get out of that apartment."

"Dad."

"I'm serious, it would do you some good. That way, you're not sulking around."

"I'm not sulking, I'm cooking."

His dad laughs out. "Well, that's just as bad."

"Hey," he says, but he doesn't really mean anything. They are both just joking around with each other.

"Really, James. I think you should."

"Maybe. Getting time off will be impossible."

"It won't hurt to try."

"We'll see."

"Fine."

"Oh hey, my dinner's done."

"We'll talk later, okay?"

"Yeah." James turns the burner off and waits to hang up before moving to do anything else.

"Love you."

"Love you too, dad."

"Bye."

"See 'ya." And both hang up at the same time.

James sets the phone down and finishes getting his meal ready.

He thinks about what his dad said. Maybe he is right. Maybe some time away from here will be good for him. And maybe it will help him accept the fact Logan is gone and he can start healing.

* * *

"Well, here we are," the guy announces as they reach his door.

Logan's hands are definitely shaking when they enter. But that soon disappears when this guy's lips are back on his and he is pulling Logan by his belt to what Logan presumes is the way to his bedroom.

The way there, they only break away from the kiss to get clothes off. Once both of their shirts are off and their jeans are on their way, the make it to his room.

Logan stares at this guy and really notices how amazing he looks. He's gorgeous, but it's a different gorgeous from James'. This guy has less definition and less tan, but it's still just as good.

They both slide their jeans down and off. The guy saunters over to Logan and grips the waistband of his boxers, sliding them down his legs. Logan steps out of them and moves to do the same with his.

Both are completely naked, just staring. Eyes completely hungry and devouring the body in front of them. Both of them have been too deprived from this for too long.

Soon, it becomes too much for them and they both jump right back into attaching their lips, as he guides them to his bed.

The guy pushes Logan down and crawls on top of him. They start to rock their hips together, trying to get something going between them.

But Logan hasn't had this in so long, that he knows it could end any minute if they don't hurry.

Logan gently pushes the guy back, just before he could start heading down his chest with his mouth.  
The guy sees the look in Logan's eyes and knows what it means. He quickly rummages around, getting what he needs to get Logan ready.

Once he has the bottle in his hand, Logan nods, telling him to go for it. His own hands are shaking. He hasn't had this in probably just as long as Logan has and so he is afraid of hurting him. But apparently, that is not happening with him.

Logan is already moaning and needing more and the guy almost loses it, before even getting in Logan. But he breathes in and lines himself up. He gets one more nod from Logan and slides in. Both gasp, it's been a long time since they've felt anything like this with anyone.

Soon though, they are ready and he starts a slow pace which increases every time a noise leaves Logan's lips.

They know it's about to be over. It just started, but the feeling of being with someone is too great and something they've both desperately missed. But even though it's quick, it's amazing and something they both needed. It's nice for them to feel important.

They end at the same time, both lightheaded from the feel of it, but loving it all the same.

The guy slowly pulls out of Logan and collapses next to him.

Logan wants to curl into his side and rest his head on his chest, but he feels a bit of uncertainty. This guy still is a stranger. Though after what they did, it's not like he really is now.

The guy can tell Logan wants to cuddle and he has to admit, he does as well. He reaches his arm over and pulls Logan to him.

They both sigh at the feel of just lying with each other. Both in love with a warm body next to them.

Logan's not sure what is going to happen now. This guy seems amazing and he wants to see him again. But as much as he loved being intimate with someone, he still doesn't want a relationship with anyone that isn't James.

He feels slightly guilty about this, but he didn't do anything wrong. He didn't cheat or anything. He still loves James. But he thinks about all those lonely nights, without James. And those dinners alone and feeling unimportant and his guilt disappears.

"Kendall." The guy breaks Logan out of his thoughts.

Logan sits up slightly, to see his face. "Huh?"

"My name. It's Kendall." He smiles up at Logan.

Logan almost feels tears leave his eyes. He can tell this guy doesn't want just a one stand. Neither knows what the other wants, but just the fact that he decided to make this more than just a night and say his name, it shows that tonight isn't the last.

He lays his back on Kendall's chest, breathing deeply. He's not sure what will happen in the morning, but he is content to just live right now. "Logan," he says into his chest.


	3. Chapter 3

**So, I'm sorry for how long this took. My motivation is still terrible at the moment. I have the story all planned out, just trying to get it out is becoming incredibly difficult. Anyway, this is short. It's a bit of a filler. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the plot.**

* * *

Logan groans, blinking sleepily. He feels the warm body still holding him and he never realized how much he missed this.

He opens his eyes completely and looks at his surroundings. He's still resting on the guy from last night. Kendall. The sun is shining on both of them and Logan can't remember the last time he's had this.

While _he_ is loving the feel of this, he is completely nervous that Kendall won't and will have decided to make this nothing more. But he did tell him his name, even after saying they wouldn't, that it would be better if they didn't. However, Logan hopes that Kendall is just as desperate for something a little more than a night and less than a relationship.

He feels Kendall stir under him and he tries to just lay there, but ultimately his grip on Kendall tightens. It's as if he is afraid Kendall will disappear and show Logan that this was all a dream-a wonderful dream, that turned out to be nothing more.

"Morning," Logan hears that voice say, and he knows it's real.

He sighs, "Morning." There's a small smile on his face. It's not the sex he missed or the feel of holding someone at night. It's this. It's someone saying "Good morning," to him. It's someone acknowledging that he is there.

"So." Kendall continues to lay there, holding Logan.

"So?" The awkwardness is definitely there, but it's odd for them to be uncertain of what to say, yet still be wrapped in each other.

They lie there, just listening to the sound of the other breathing.

Different things he wants to say run through Logan's head, but none of the words are coming out of his mouth.

"We should probably talk about this." And apparently Kendall was thinking about the same things, but he definitely took a more blunt approach than Logan would have.

"Yeah, you're right." Logan sighs. He pulls away from Kendall, sitting up and leaning against the headboard.

"Okay, how do I say this?" Kendall starts, rubbing his face.

Logan's heart drops. It doesn't sound like Kendall wants anything more after this. Logan's not sure if he can take that. To be thinking he could have something a little more and then for it to be ultimately taken away would hurt him. But no, he's not going to let it break him. He wasn't even looking for a guy. This was just a night. Nothing more.

"What if we just kept it casual?" Kendall says so fast, Logan's not even sure if he heard him correctly.

"What?" Logan turns to stare at him. Those green eyes look so different in the sunlight.

"This. What if it just stays as casual sex?"

Logan wants to laugh, because that's what he wants and it seems that Kendall was nervous that either Logan wanted a relationship or wanted nothing more from him. He breathes a sigh of relief. "I was thinking the same thing."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Kendall lets out the breath he was holding. "Good, because it wouldn't be good to get into a relationship, since we both love someone else."

"Exactly. And it's nice to have someone around. So, we just have sex and hang out as friends. Right?"

Kendall smiles, looking to Logan. "Right. We can go to bars, drink, do all the friend-type stuff and have sex, but no relationship."

"No relationship."

"I like this."

Logan smiles back, "Me too...So, what do we do now?"

He sighs happily, leaning against his headboard as well. "Breakfast?"

"Oh, yeah. Breakfast sounds good, but I need to shower first."

"Shower sounds even better."

Logan grins. "Does this casual thing allow us to have showers together?"

Kendall smirks. "I definitely think that's in the rules." He pulls the covers off of him and stands up from the bed.

Logan just gazes at him. It's definitely weird seeing him naked in the daytime and after only knowing him for less than twenty-four hours. But he's not going to let this get awkward.

Kendall turns and starts to walk to the bathroom. Once he is at the door, he turns to look at Logan, raising an eyebrow at him.

Logan takes a deep breath. It's not that big of a deal, but to him this is actually a huge step. He's about to start a casual thing with someone who's basically a stranger and while he loves the idea, it's terrifying. He never thought he would be doing a thing like this. And being a twenty-seven-year-old high school teacher is making this seem incredibly wrong. But he's going to go with it.

He throws the blanket off and heads to the bathroom.

"So, Logan, who I know nothing about, ready for shower and breakfast?" He asks, as he watches Logan walk to him.

"Definitely."

Kendall grabs Logan by the waist, crashing their lips together and pulls him into the shower.

Yes, this is what Logan needs.

* * *

"_How could I be so wrong? You can't hold on to what is already gone. Come back, baby._" James sighs, turning the radio off. He hates listening to music now, because everything seems to be telling him what an idiot he is.

He ended up talking to his boss and getting a week off. Sure, he got his vacation two months later. But at least he has it now.

He still hasn't gotten over Logan completely. Three months since he walked away and he is on James' mind every second of every day.

But now he's on his way to Norfolk, a small town in Connecticut. It's only a few hours from the city and it holds a lot of memories for him.

It's the town he and Logan would go to on their anniversaries. They went there for their one year and it was amazing. It was nice to get out of the crazy, hectic life of New York City. So, they just continued to go every year from then on.

Except they didn't go for their fifth, but that's James' fault. He completely forgot it was that time of the year. He let his mind get so full of work.

James knows that this trip is going to hurt. It's going to bring back all those happy memories between them. But this is what he needs. He needs to get away from his apartment, and going to the place that is basically the definition of his and Logan's relationship will hopefully help him to move on somewhat.

He's gotten a little better with accepting the fact that Logan is gone, but not fully. He has those moments where he thinks he will be back. Where he will see that sideways smirk and those chocolate eyes lighting up the room.

James is pretty much certain that Logan found someone else. How could he not? Logan is amazing and it has been three months. It hurts so much though when he thinks about that. Thinks about another guy holding his Logan. But Logan isn't his anymore.

His dad keeps telling him to go out and try and meet someone, but he doesn't want to. He's not ready for anyone else. He's not ready to give Logan up. But eventually he will have to.

He smiles when he sees the sign welcoming him into Norfolk. He forgot how much he missed this place. He decides to go to the corner store before heading up to his favorite spot in this town.

James sighs as he steps out of the car and takes a deep breath, breathing in the air here. He loves the freshness the place gives off, not at all like NYC.

He sees the same guy working in the store, the same guy who has been there every time he and Logan would come. He wonders if he'll recognize him. It has been about a year and half and he's alone.

"Well, look who it is," the shopkeeper says and James knows he remembers him.

"Tom," James walks over, holding out his hand to greet him. "How have you been?"

"Great, as usual. Where were you this year? And where's Logan?"

James can't help the frown that replaces his smile. "We just got really busy with work and everything. He's working, so I decided to just come up by myself this time. Plus, I'm just here for the day."

He's not really sure why he decided to lie. Maybe he really does need to come to terms still. Or maybe he just didn't want to have to explain to this guy what happened.

"Oh. Well, that's too bad. But it's nice to see you again. Any plans for the day?"

"It's great to see you as well, and yes. I'm gonna head up Haystack Mountain. It'll be nice to breathe the fresh air."

Tom laughs. "Yeah, it's certainly not fresh in the city. But the weather is perfect for it today."

A smile graces James' face again. He's glad he stopped into here again. James nods back to him and walks around the store. He grabs a bottle of juice and muffin. Just something quick he can have as he makes the climb up. It's not tough, but still better to have something, rather than nothing.

"This everything?" Tom asks him.

"Yeah."

He rings everything up and once everything is paid for, he holds his hand out to James to shake it one more time. "It was really great seeing you again. Don't wait too long to come back again, and tell Logan I said hi."

"Definitely." He tries to force a smile, as he grips his hand. "Great seeing you as well. Have a good day." He turns to leave the store, bag in hand.

"You, too!" Tom calls out as James walks out the door.

James knows this trip is just what he needed. It's making him face the truth and stay that way, without going back and falling into his fantasy.

He throws the bag onto the seat next to him and makes his way to the trail leading up to the mountain.

* * *

After walking for an hour, he finally reaches the top of the mountain. He sees the watchtower not too far in the distance. He hopes that no one is up there. He really just wants to be alone to collect his thoughts.

He climbs the stairs that lead to the very top of the tower. He picks up his pace a little, excited about seeing this view again.

Once he is at the top, he looks around and sees no one else around. He breathes a sigh of relief, glad he can be alone up here.

James walks to the ledge and looks out onto all the hills and mountains before him. It's one of his favorite sights and places to be. And since it is April, all the leaves are growing back and the flowers are blooming.

Normally, he and Logan would be here in the winter time. It was always freezing when they would come up here, but they didn't care. To see all the trees covered in snow and from such a gorgeous view was better than sitting inside by a fire.

James reaches into his bag and grabs his muffin. He climbs onto the ledge, legs dangling over the edge as he opens the wrapper.

He thinks back to the first time he came here with Logan. Their relationship still felt so new, even after a year. They were like newlyweds, unable to keep their hands off each other. They got to the top and after staring out for just five minutes, they went to kissing and touching and whispering "I love you" to each other.

James smiles at the memory. They were so obviously in love.

The second time they were here, it was much like the first, but with less groping each other up here. They spent more time staring out into the world before moving to just focus on each other.

Every year, it seemed more time was devoted to just standing at the ledge and gazing forward and less time looking at the person next to them.

James never even noticed this happened. Maybe their relationship was falling apart before either of them knew it. Or maybe their relationship was just maturing over time and rather than needing to be all over each other every second, they were able to control it until they got to the bedroom.

He thinks of the very last time they were here. He doesn't even remember a make-out session. It was just a small kiss. James even remembers how he put his hand on the ledge as he stared out and Logan rested his on top of his own. They didn't say anything, just stood there until they both decided to head back down the mountain.

Maybe they didn't need to say anything. But James wishes he could go back to that day and could have pulled Logan to him, kissed his hair as he whispered every thing he felt for Logan. He can't live in the past though. He can't sit here and think of how everything could have been different. How he could still have Logan if he could just go back and tell Logan how much he loved him every single day.

No, he has to live now. He needs to move on. Somehow. He is not too sure how it will happen, but small steps will help him get past it and he is ready for it.

He finishes up his food and decides to head back down. He feels a little better, like he knows that Logan is gone, that this is still going to be hard to get past, but he can do it. He's James Diamond, he can do these things.

He's going to go back to that apartment, put away Logan's key, he's going to learn how to cook and he's going to sleep in the middle of the bed. He's going to finish his book. He's going to live his life.

He smiles the rest of the way down the mountain, ready to get back home.

As he starts his drive back to the city, he turns on the radio. "_See, it feels bad now, but it's gonna get better someday._" This makes his smile grow.

Of course it's going to be hard, moving on always is, but it will be better.


	4. Chapter 4

**So, I'm very sorry that this took so long to get done. It was like a full month, so I will try not to wait that long to write the next chapter. I really want to finish it, so I can move on and write something else. Plus, I think there's either going to be one or two more chapters, followed by an epilogue. **

**Anyway, thank you so much for continuing to read and be patient with me. And also, all the feedback for the one-shots and One of Those Moments and everything else, have been brilliant. Thank you guys, so much. It really means the world to me. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the plot.  
**

* * *

Driving back into the city, James sighs contentedly. He decides that since he is accepting the situation, he is going to go to his and Logan's favorite cafe. He hasn't been there in months and he wouldn't go near it the past three.

He feels excitement as he walks into the shop. He is finally managing to get his life under control and it's a good moment for him.

There is a new girl behind the counter and he is a bit disappointed by that. He was always greeted by the same people, but since he hasn't been here in so long, the staff changed.

He smiles and thanks the girl as he grabs his coffee and moves to one of the tables by the wall. There is a newspaper lying on the table already, so he chooses to read that instead of sitting here alone and staring at the wall.

But just as he is about to turn the page on the paper, he hears something that makes his stomach drop to the ground and his heart race.

He knows that sound; it's Logan's laugh. And he thinks that maybe someone just has one similar, but he would know that laugh anywhere. And then it hits him. If Logan is laughing, he must be with another person.

James doesn't want to see if it's true. He doesn't want to check, but deep down, he really just wants to see Logan again.

He slowly turns his head to where the noise came from and that's when everything comes crashing down. When he realizes he is not in control of the situation at all. Logan is there, at a table only about twenty feet away, and he's not alone.

There is a guy with Logan, who is making him laugh and who is leaning on the table smiling at him. James wants to stand up, walk over to them, punch the guy in the face and then have his way with Logan. Instead, he continues to sit there and watch them.

Logan is turned just enough that he cannot see James and the guy is too focused on Logan to even notice James staring. In a way, James wants the guy to see him, but he knows if that were to happen, Logan would want to know who he was looking at and he would proceed to turn around and see James.

James isn't ready for that, but he's not ready for this, either. He thought it hurt not having Logan there, but at least he could pretend he was still there. This right here just confirms that Logan has moved on and is not with James.

* * *

"One coffee, Mr. Mitchell." Kendall sits at the table, handing the drink to Logan.

"Don't call me that." Logan tries to glare at him, but he smiles once Kendall hands him the cup and has that silly smirk on his face.

"And why not?"

"It's not right and I think it would just fuck with my brain. Someone I'm sleeping with should not call me what my students call me."

Kendall laughs and leans over the table, capturing Logan's lips with his own. It's just a quick one and he is soon back in his seat.

"And what was that for?"

"Sometimes, Logan, you are just too adorable," he grins.

Logan rolls his eyes. "You're not falling for me, are you? Because we can't allow that."

"Pfft, I actually hate you. Loathe you in fact, so you don't have to worry." And Kendall is smiling over at Logan.

The laugh that erupts from Logan is loud enough that it feels like it echoes through the cafe. He's pretty sure everyone in the place has turned to see where the noise came from. But Logan doesn't care, he continues to laugh with Kendall.

The past two months have been amazing. He and Kendall continued to just have their casual thing going on, but still hung out and talked as friends. There were even nights where Logan would come over and they wouldn't even have sex, just talk. Talk about the guys they still love and it made it easier. Every day seemed to get easier to Logan.

Even now. He is sitting in his and James' favorite cafe, which he didn't think he could do without James next to him. But with Kendall here, it makes it so much easier.

He still has those days where he misses James more than anything in his entire life, but those last months still linger in his brain, telling him he did the right thing. And having Kendall just be there for him in the ways he needs, helps him immensely. And he is doing the same thing for Kendall, because Kendall still can't get over the guy that is in another country.

Logan smiles at Kendall. "Well, that's good, because I hate you too."

Kendall gives a small chuckle and they both just sit there, smiling.

After a minute of sitting in the silence between them, Kendall leans over and gives one more kiss to Logan, before leaning back on the table.

"And you hate me?" Logan scoffs, but continues to grin.

Kendall just shrugs back.

"Sometimes I don't know about you, Kendall."

Smiling, Kendall just takes a sip of his coffee. "So...wait," he remembers a conversation earlier, when they were trying to think of places to visit. "You had said you used to come here a lot when we were talking about this place earlier. Was it with James?"

Logan stares down at his cup. "Maybe."

"Then why did you want to come?" He's not sure if it hurts Logan being here, but if it does, he doesn't want to make him suffer through that.

"Have you tried the coffee?" Logan tries to joke, wanting to cover up what he's feeling by Kendall bringing James up.

"Logan," he shakes his head, laughing "We don't have to stay, if you don't want to."

"No, it's fine, really. Let's talk about something else. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Um," and the smile on Kendall's face shifts into a nervous one. "We can just talk about it another time."

Logan raises an eyebrow, "But I thought that's why we came here? To talk?"

"Yeah, but it'll just be better if we talk in private."

"Kendall, you can't say stuff like that and expect me to not want to freak out."

He sighs, "Fine, we'll finish our coffees and then let's go to my place and we'll talk."

Logan just nods, not able to form words. He's not sure what Kendall will tell him, but he doesn't have a good feeling about it.

* * *

James watches them the whole time. He feels insanely creepy doing so, but he can't help it. His eyes wouldn't let him look anywhere else. They just stayed focus on Logan, trying to read every movement.

It's another fifteen minutes until Logan and the guy decide to stand up and leave. He can't even begin to control the pure jealous rage he feels.

The minute he saw the guy lean over and kiss Logan, his heart followed his stomach.

He knew Logan would have found someone else, but to actually see it and find it to be true, hurts. Hurts more than waking up to an empty bed. More than going up that mountain alone. And more than coming home to find all of Logan's things gone.

His eyes follow the two the whole way as they exit and walk onto the sidewalk together. James notices the way their shoulders brush against each other's. The way the looks between them seem to smolder and could make anyone jealous with what looks to be love between the two of them.

Once they are out of sight, his eyes move to the table and his untouched coffee.

This week off was supposed to help him, to get him to move on. But he feels like how he did before. Shattered. And he is only in his first day of his vacation.

He doesn't know how he is going to be able to handle the rest of this week. He wants to call his dad and to break down and tell him everything. But he won't, just like how he won't go home and cry his eyes out. He can't do it all again.

He sighs, standing up and throwing away his drink. He normally hates wasting anything, but he just can't anymore. He can't be here anymore.

He makes it to his apartment in record time, desperate to be in his home and away from any possibility of seeing Logan again.

The minute he walks into his home, those keys stare at him. He rushes to the table, grabs hold of them and throws them into his junk drawer in the kitchen, burying them underneath everything and out of sight.

He escapes to his room, moving the pillows to the middle of the bed and knows that tonight, he will sleep in the middle and not on "his side" of the bed.

He walks to his office, turns on his computer and searches recipes. Once he is satisfied with one, he prints out the page and moves to the fridge. He checks the kitchen for the ingredients that he will need and realizes he doesn't have them all.

He walks to the living room, falling into the cushions. He doesn't want to leave his apartment. He wants to be able to forget Logan in here and is worried if he goes out, he will see him and it will all crumble.

That anger he feels toward that guy and toward himself, it pushed him. Pushed into finally moving on. Well, he hopes. But that's what he needed. He had decided this morning he was going to move on. So, that's what he needs to do. Seeing Logan happy and with someone else, shouldn't stop him.

After a few deep breaths, James stands up, grabs his keys and is out the door and on his way to the grocery store.

* * *

"Alright, so talk to me." Logan falls into the cushions of Kendall's couch, this place starting to feel like a second home to him.

"Uh, do you want something to drink?" Kendall asks nervously, walking to the kitchen.

Logan's eyes narrow. "I'll just have water."

Nodding, Kendall grabs two glasses and begins to fill them up. "Anything to eat?"

"Kendall, just sit down and talk to me."

"Fine, fine." He sighs, handing a glass of water to Logan, as he sits down next to him on the couch, but turns to the side to look at him.

Logan watches Kendall suspiciously. He can see just how nervous he is and he can't even begin to think about what the reason could be for that.

He tries to stall, by drinking his water and not meeting Logan's gaze.

"Kendall," Logan pushes.

"Okay." He sets the glass on his coffee table, turning back to Logan, "So...we agreed that if something...came up, then this would...end, right?"

"Yes," and now Logan's heart is beating so fast and he feels the world spinning around him, because this is what he's been dreading. The day when the two of them would have to end what they have.

He knew it would have to end eventually. They couldn't just stay "fuck buddies," but maybe he had hoped that it would never work out with their other guys and they could somehow work out a relationship between them. It's not that he's in love with Kendall, he cares about him. Kendall has become a great friend to him and has been there in all the ways he's needed the past couple of months. But it's just, he doesn't think things will ever work with James again. He's convinced himself that James doesn't care at all or feel anything about him leaving. And he slightly hoped that nothing would come from Kendall's guy. But apparently, something is.

He knows it's selfish and a stupid wish. Because even if things never worked out with the other guys and he and Kendall did actually date, both of them wouldn't be completely happy. Deep down, there would be a tiny part of them that still loved someone else. So, Logan can't be upset. Kendall hasn't even told him the news, but he knows this is it.

"Well...I don't know what will happen or if this will even need to end. I just needed to tell you..." He takes a deep breath, unsure of how to tell Logan.

"He's coming back, isn't he?" Logan asks. It's the only plausible answer in his head as to why Kendall may need to end things between them.

Giving a small nod, Kendall looks to Logan's eyes, trying to gauge his reaction. He's afraid he will be angry or hurt. They both knew this wouldn't last, but Kendall still doesn't want to hurt Logan more than he already is.

Kendall's afraid that if things do happen to work between him and Carlos, but nothing ever works for Logan and James, that Logan will be heartbroken all over again. But he can't think like that. Logan will move on, find someone else if need be. But he will bounce back. Kendall is sure of that.

"When?" Logan is hoping for some time to prepare himself, to face the fact that things may end.

"Tomorrow," Kendall practically whispers, knowing how sudden this is.

And now Logan really can't breathe. He looks down at his hands, one hand is gripping the glass so tight, that his knuckles are turning white. He's not angry. He's just scared out of his mind.

"I'm sorry. I would have told you sooner, if I had known sooner. He called me this morning to let me know he was coming. It's only for a week and then he goes back to Germany, because he still has three more months." Kendall takes a deep breath, because he's nervous about everything, too. "I figured this was the right time to tell him how I feel. And he may not even return my feelings."

"He will."

"Huh?"

"Kendall," Logan finally looks back up, "You're amazing, funny, and I just know he'll feel the same way. If he doesn't, well then, he's an idiot."

"He's an idiot all the time, but he's adorable." Kendall smiles fondly at the thought of that crazy guy he's in love with.

Logan chuckles lightly.

"I'm sorry."

This makes Logan frown, looking at Kendall. "Why?"

"Because I just sprung this on you and it could ruin everything."

"Kendall, we both knew this was going to happen. It's okay...And if Carlos does indeed love you back, I'll be happy for you."

"What if he doesn't?"

"Then we could just continue with what we have."

"What about James?"

"What about him? It's not like we'll ever work again." Logan takes a sip from his water, trying to control his emotions. He hates being so pessimistic, but he can't help it. He doesn't think it would ever work between them again.

"Why not? Logan, you haven't even tried to see him again. What if he misses you like crazy and wants you back just as much as you want him back?"

"Because..." Logan sighs, "If we got back together, what if it all happens again? What if five years down the line, he suddenly forgets about me all over again? I can't do this again. It would kill me."

And now Kendall sighs, reaching over to rub Logan's arm, "You won't know, until you try. What if it all works out and you two live happily ever after?" It's cheesy, but it brings a small smile to Logan's face.

Logan's smile falters though. "I just...don't know."

"You should call him."

Logan looks up, wide-eyed, "What? No."

"Come on, Logan." Kendall whines a little, trying to push him. If he's going to tell his guy his true feelings, then Logan needs to talk to his guy.

"Maybe." He knows that if he keeps saying no, then Kendall will just bug him until he says yes.

"Fine, but you can't sit in your apartment all week moping. Just try and call him."

"I won't mope. Just because Carlos will be here and you'll be spending all your time with him, I won't mope," he jokes, sarcastically. He may even do what Kendall wants him to. "Besides, there's an art exhibit opening Monday, I'm gonna go there after work. So, see? No moping here."

Kendall laughs, pulling Logan into a hug, "Good." And he's happy that Logan will possibly call James, even though he's nervous. He's nervous about what he needs to do and he's nervous about what will happen with Logan. And what will happen between him and Logan. But he doesn't want to think too much about it. He really just wants to enjoy this moment right now. "So, we have one more night together, until things could possible change forever. What do you want to do?" He smirks.

"Hmm..." Logan places a finger to his lips, thinking, before pulling Kendall down on top of him and crushing their lips together.


	5. Chapter 5

**So, this is really late. Like really. And it's because of vacation, major writers block and just pure laziness. (though the writers block was terrible for awhile.) But if you're still sticking around, I thank you. For serious. All the support, reviews, everything, it really means a lot.  
**

**This is the last chapter, but there is an epilogue after this. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the plot.  
**

* * *

This is not the place James wants to be. He hasn't been to a club in ages. The last time he came to one was with Logan a couple years ago, when they weren't so tied down with jobs and real life.

The music is too loud, too obnoxious, too many people, and too much of what James needs.

He's not enjoying watching people all over each other. Grinding, making out, practically fucking each other on the dance floor. It makes him feel like an old man. He's twenty-seven, but he wants no part of any of this.

Only if it was with Logan.

But Logan wouldn't be caught dead in a club; he stopped going, mainly because he felt weird being a teacher. So James knows he won't run into him here.

And he doesn't want to.

Seeing him at the cafe the other day killed him. It's why he's here now. He needed to get his mind off Logan and that guy he's with.

Just thinking about him makes James grit his teeth.

Desperately trying to shake off those thoughts, he takes a sip of his drink and realizes it's empty.

Sighing, he heads to the bar, getting another beer.

He's not even sure why this place was supposed to help him. He's alone and refuses to dance or talk to anyone.

A few people, girls and guys, have come up to him, but of course he turned them all down.

No matter what he tries to tell himself about moving on, it's always forgotten, because images of brown eyes and a crooked smile flash before his eyes and he sees no one else.

He's not sure how long it will take him to move on, to finally see someone else. He wants to. Honestly, he does. These months have worn him down and he wants to. But his brain and heart can't seem to agree on anything.

Once his beer is in hand, he moves to an empty wall, leaning back.

Never when he was younger and thinking about his future, did he think he would become this guy.

Not just the loser at the wall by himself. But the guy to be so heartbroken.

He was always the heartbreaker. In high school and college. Turning people down. Dating anyone who was up for it, but he never got serious.

Logan was the one that changed everything. He wanted that boy for the rest of his life and never wanted to let him go.

What he wouldn't give to go back in time.

He shakes his head again. He needs to stop living in regret and what if's and thinking of Logan.

Maybe he should just accept an offer to dance with someone.

And as if the world knows what he needs, a guy makes his way towards him. The gleam in the guy's eyes shows he's coming for a dance.

Taking a deep breath, James pushes off the wall, setting his drink down when the guy asks what he knew he would.

They make their way to the dance floor together, the guy anxious to be moving with him. Vaguely, he hears him say something, sounded like a name. James thinks he said Mark. He couldn't care either way at this point. It's just one dance and then he's done.

He answers the guy with his own name.

The guy smiles and starts to dance to the music.

James follows, he tries to seem enthused by all this. To seem interested, at least somewhat, in him. He hopes it's working. He notes that the guy is good looking. Brown hair, blue eyes, a little shorter than him, nice build and he seems cool.

There's not much talking between them though, just moving to the music and the guy keeps bringing his body closer and closer to James, until one hand is gripping his waist and making their movements match the rest of the people in this club.

It's nice to just get lost in this moment. All thoughts of anyone are gone. James just focuses on the music and moving.

The song ends too soon, because James only wanted one dance, but he thinks maybe he should continue with Mark-or-whatever.

But in between this guy asking if wants to get a drink and sit down, something catches James' eyes.

Blonde hair, those eyebrows and nose. James would know that face anywhere. It's been haunting his thoughts for the past couple days.

He sees that guy, Logan's new boyfriend, smiling as he carries two drinks to a booth.

No. Logan can't be here too. Is he just trying to murder him?

Mark-guy is talking to James, but he completely ignores him, his eyes following that asshole.

He watches as he moves to a booth, where a guy is waiting, but it's not Logan. It's a shorter Latino guy.

Now James is confused. Eyebrows moves into the booth next to that Latino and he cups his face, pulling him into a kiss. It's not a peck either, but a full on firework-inducing, unable-to-breathe kiss.

His eyes widen and he pushes that guy still trying to get his attention out of the way.

His legs are moving him to the table. But his brain finally meets up with his body and stops him.

What is he planning on doing? Punching this cunt in the face? He wanted to do that the other day and now that he's seen him cheating on his Logan, he wants to murder him.

How could someone do that to Logan? They looked happy at the cafe, but there's no denying these two are fucking. The way their hands are everywhere, lips still moving fervently together.

Now he's sure this guy is a dick. Pretending to be so happy with Logan, then coming to a club with someone else. Kissing him in front of people who could see them and tell Logan.

Should he tell Logan? "Oh, hey Logan. I was totally not spying on you and saw your boyfriend with someone else." Yeah, that wouldn't go down so well. Especially since Logan doesn't and hasn't talked to him since the day he left.

Should he go up and confront this guy? Tell him that he'll tell Logan what's going on, to scare him? That wouldn't go down well either, since he would probably want to know how he knows Logan.

Finally, he deems coming to the club as a mistake. He turns to the door and back to his apartment.

There's nothing he can do with the information he knows and he wonders if it was a sign to try and call Logan again.

But no, his heart may want him to, but his brain is saying no. Though, Logan could get hurt if he doesn't say anything.

He sighs, walking back to his place, unsure of what to do.

He decides to just sleep on it and make his decision on whether to call Logan or not, in the morning.

But he knows there is no way he can sleep tonight. His mind will be on everything else. Worrying about a guy that he no longer should worry about.

Again though, his brain and heart no longer know how to decide on the same things.

* * *

Logan takes a deep breath as he enters the art exhibit. He's missed this, not having been to an art show in so long.

He tries not to think about how when he was in one five years ago, it changed his life.

There have been a lot of days, especially when everything was happening with James, where he would wonder what his life would be like if he never went to that one exhibit. Or if Mari never pushed him to talk to the guy who turned his life upside down.

But even with all the heartbreak and pain, he wouldn't want to lose all the memories he did have with James those first four years.

As he walks down a corridor to look at some paintings by an apparently new artist on the scene, he grabs a drink that one of the waiters is giving out.

One thing he is glad about is that most people around here are alone as well. Most places he goes to, he feels like there are couples everywhere, mocking him. But not here. Or at least, not many.

Kendall had called him and told him the good news about Carlos feeling the same way and it turned out, he'd been wanting to tell Kendall his feelings as well.

And Logan's happy for him, so happy. It just hurts to be alone again.

Kendall grilled him on if he called James yet, but of course Logan hadn't. He couldn't. His mind just kept going to every worst case scenario.

James not even caring to hear from him again. James moving on and him having a new boyfriend. James wanting him back.

He's terrified of that possibility, no matter how slight he believes the chances are. Because he doesn't want to get hurt again. He doesn't want to be forgotten all over again.

But of course, as Kendall keeps telling him, he won't know until he tries.

* * *

James sighs, glancing at his watch. This exhibit opened thirty minutes ago. While he knows he doesn't have to be there right when it opens, he still wants to get there at a decent time. And he doesn't want to be out for very long. Really, he just wants to climb back into his bed.

Wishing the cab driver to go faster, he leans back in the seat.

He hasn't been to an art exhibit in years and the last one was with Logan. But his co-worker is one of the artists being shown tonight, so he figured he would come show his support and it gets him out of his place for a bit.

Plus an art show is better than a club he feels. It makes him feel normal and like he actually fits in with this crowd a little better.

But he still feels guilty about the other night. Seeing someone cheating on Logan and he hasn't done anything about it.

He picked up the phone a few times, fingers ready to dial that number he still knows by heart, but he couldn't do it. They just wouldn't press the buttons.

He even thought about calling Mari and telling her what he saw and she could do what she wanted with the information. But he was afraid to even talk to her and wasn't even sure that she would believe him.

Finally, the driver stops, telling James he's there and waiting for the money. He pulls out his wallet, handing him the amount, before sliding out and staring at the building.

It's just an art show, yet he's nervous. Maybe because being at one brings up memories. Memories that he just doesn't want to think about anymore.

Soon enough, a friend from work notices him and pulls him into the show. He barely listens to her, because she's rambling about someone from work. He's just waiting for a second where he can excuse himself and grab a drink or just go somewhere else.

As she takes a breath to continue talking, he takes the opportunity to say he needs to find a bathroom and hurries into another room, relief washing over him as he's alone now.

But there are a couple of other people in this room with him. He glances around and there's a figure by the corner that catches his eye.

Not again.

That can't be Logan right here.

Why is he doing this to him?

James is almost angry for not being able to go anywhere without that guy popping up somehow. But then he thinks maybe that's not Logan, that it's just his brain thinking it is.

But no. It is. He knows the back of Logan's head. Plus, the watch on the left wrist is a dead giveaway to it being him. It was a present he got from James for his twenty-fourth birthday.

James is actually surprised Logan is wearing it. Since he had "James and Logan" etched onto the back of it.

Now though, James is frozen to the ground. Logan is in the same room as him and he's alone. That guy's not with him. He's happy about that too, because if he was here, he's pretty sure he'd end up punching him.

But this has to be a sign. People always say that everything happens for a reason, right? So maybe this is his chance.

Chance to talk to Logan again? Chance to get him back? Chance to tell him about what he saw?

He's not sure, but he's not letting this moment go, without talking to him.

* * *

Logan sighs, continuing to stare at the paintings, not fully paying much attention to them.

"Fantastic piece, right?" Logan hears a voice say, as the body of the person stands next to him.

He knows that voice. Even if he hasn't heard it in months. But just hearing him again, makes him freeze and his stomach drop.

Almost, just almost, he wants to ignore it. To just pretend he never heard him and run back to the comfort of his apartment.

But he has to admit, he's been dying to see James again and he supposes this is his opportunity right now to finally talk to him.

Slowly, he turns his head and he's met with those hazel eyes and that smile. It's a small smile, as if James is afraid of his reaction to him being there.

Just to have any type of concern toward him by James, makes him internally sigh, though.

He nods back to James, "Yeah, really beautiful." He can barely even remember what James had asked him, his mind only on the fact that he's staring at James again.

And he doesn't even know what else to say to him. He's been dreaming about talking to him. Because even after everything, he is still in love with him and he's missed him too much.

They both just stand there for what feels like hours, neither able to come up with anything meaningful to say to the other.

James is running through his mind a list of good things to say. Debating if he should apologize right now. But staring at Logan again is making him crazy and it's making him feel like that first time he ever even saw Logan. Where all he wanted to do was pull the boy to him and kiss him for as long as he wanted.

The way Logan is staring up at him, eyes burning into him makes him think that he's feeling the same way.

Giving up on words, James grabs Logan's wrist and pulls him down a few hallways to an empty corridor.

He was afraid Logan would resist him, but he kept up with James' pace.

Finally, when they are far enough away from the crowds of people, James pushes Logan to the wall and instantly pushes his lips onto Logan's.

There's no hesitation from him either.

Their lips are moving so perfectly together and it feels just like their first night did.

Logan's arms wrap around James' neck, while one hand slides up to his hair, gripping slightly and trying to steady himself, because he feels like he's about to fall off the Earth from having James' hands on him again.

And those hands have moved to Logan's waist and are pulling their bodies closer together.

Logan can't breathe, can't think. All that resonates in his mind is James kissing him.

And he's missed this. He thought he just missed having someone, but no, it's these lips, these hands, this person he's missed most of all. But soon, thoughts of why he has had to miss this come flooding back to him.

This is the guy who broke his heart. Who ignored him. Who didn't touch him like this for months. Who didn't even try to stop him when he walked out.

James' mouth has moved down to Logan's neck as he finally has enough strength to push him away.

"James.." His hands meet his chest, trying to get him to stop nipping at his throat, because it's making him forget why he wants him to stop. "James, stop...please," he gets out in between breaths.

James' brain puts together what Logan said to him, so he slowly pulls back to look him in the eyes.

There's sadness and hurt filling those brown eyes and James wants to kiss it all away, but Logan doesn't.

"We can't...this was wrong," Logan meets those hazel eyes and the pain that fills them at his words almost makes his heart break, but he can't feel guilty by it.

"Why?" Then it dawns on him the reason why, "Because of your boyfriend, right?" He grits out.

"My?...What?"

"He's cheating on you," James blurts out and he wants to take it back. He's expecting to see anger or hurt flash across Logan's face, but he continues to only see confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw your boyfriend with another guy the other night."

"What even makes you think I'm dating someone?"

"I saw you guys at the cafe a few days ago." And suddenly James thinks how stalkerish everything he's just said sounds, but he can't care too much at this moment.

"What?..." and slowly Logan puts it all together. He was at the cafe with Kendall. Kendall was out with Carlos the other night. He wants to laugh at the situation, because it's all a crazy misunderstanding. But he doesn't laugh, just takes a deep breath before sighing, "You're an idiot, James."

Logan slides away from James and off the wall, before just turning and walking away from him.

"Logan, wait," he grabs his wrist again. Not ready to watch him walk away from him again. He wants to say everything, tell him everything he's been feeling for the past few months. "I'm...sorry," is the only thing his brain can come up with.

While he is sorry, he knows just saying it won't make up for everything. It won't fix it all, but he hopes maybe it's a start.

Logan can only shake his head, before shaking out of James' grip.

He hurries away and out to the exit before James can stop him.

And all James wants to do is fall to the ground and weep. But he can't. He won't let himself go through it all again.

Maybe this was to show him that they'll never work it out and that he really does need to move on.

But Logan kissed him back.

He's not giving up just yet.

* * *

"Kendall, are you home?" Logan asks into the phone, on the verge of a break down.

"Yeah, I am. Dude, what's going on?" The worry in Kendall's voice is apparent. He's never heard Logan so upset.

"Is Carlos there?" He really doesn't want to interrupt the new couple.

"No, he's hanging with some friends. Logan, what happened?"

"I...it's...Can I come over?"

"Yes, of course," he practically demands.

"I'll be there in a few."

"Okay," Kendall sighs, hanging up the phone. He's genuinely worried about his friend. He can't even begin to think what happened. He doesn't want to let his imagination run wild, because each thing is worse than the other.

He sits in his living room, trying to watch T.V. to distract his mind, but luckily after about ten long minutes, there's a knock at his door.

Practically sprinting off the couch, he rushes to let Logan in, who looks terrible and like he wants to cry.

Logan doesn't even say anything, just grabs onto Kendall, pulling him into a hug. He doesn't let any tears fall, he's tired of crying over James. Plus, being in Kendall's arms is a comfort. Not even in a romantic sense, he just knows that Kendall will always be there when he needs him.

Kendall shuts the door and rubs Logan's back. He wants to ask what happened, but knows to just let him tell him when he's ready.

"I saw James tonight," he mumbles into his chest, before pulling back to look up at Kendall.

Kendall can only sigh, knowing it must have been hard seeing him again. "Did you guys talk?"

"Um, sort of? At first, there wasn't much talking."

He just raises an eyebrow up at him, confused.

"I'm not even too sure what happened. I think we just got lost in the moment of seeing each other again." Logan looks down at the ground, "We sort of made-out."

"Whoa," Kendall's eyes go wide, not expecting that at all, "Are you serious?"

He nods back in return.

"Isn't that a good thing then? It shows he's missed you, right?"

Logan can only shrug, "It's still not that simple, though. But he did apologize, I guess."

"Really? Then Logan, why are you so upset? This is a good thing. He's got to want you back."

"I don't know...But...I don't want to get hurt again."

"You don't even know if it will happen again."

"But it could."

"But you won't-"

"Yeah, I know," Logan interrupts, "I won't know unless I give it a try."

"Logan, a life without risk, is a life unlived, my friend. And don't you want to risk it to be with James again?"

Logan doesn't want to meet Kendall's gaze, so he continues looking down, shrugging.

"Yes you do. We've talked about this before. Give him a chance. You deserve to be happy again and by the sound of it, James will do that for you again."

"I still just don't know."

"I'll kick his ass if he hurts you again. How 'bout that?"

Logan chuckles, finally looking into those green eyes, "Promise?"

"Promise," he smiles down at Logan, pulling him into a hug once more.

"Thanks, Kendall."

"Anytime. Now you better call James."

"I will."

"Good."

Once they pull away again, Logan is smiling and feeling better, thankful he has Kendall in his life. "So, how are things with Carlos?"

"Great, actually. I'm making plans to go to Germany, to visit him once he goes back."

"That's awesome, and then he'll be back for sure in three months?"

Kendall nods; just thinking about having Carlos with him all the time makes him smile. "Yep. So, you and James have to work out, so we can double date."

"Alright, alright," Logan laughs, though thinking about it, it may be awkward if they all met. Especially since James thought he and Kendall were dating and that Kendall was cheating. But he mentally shrugs off the thought, not wanting to worry about it right now.

And he knows Kendall is right about giving James another chance.

Besides, he wants to be with James again. Having those lips on him and eyes burning into him again, made him desperate for him to have it all again.

He knows that James saying sorry won't solve it all, but it's definitely a step in the right direction. He just needs to decide how to talk to him again and how to let him know he wants to possibly try again-if James wants to as well. But he's definitely feeling as though James wants to be with him again. He just hopes it stays that way.


	6. Epilogue

**Hey, guess what? It's not a month later for the update. But this is it. This story is finally done. It took much longer than expected, but now I can move on and write other things without feeling bad. Thank you all to those who have read this, continue to and are just all around awesome. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the plot.**

**Also, side note. If you have any random one-shot ideas (either with a story of mine or just something else entirely) or even multi-chapter ideas, PM me. I need inspiration for new fics.  
**

* * *

"Logan, how are you?" Tom calls, as Logan steps into the shop.

"Hey, Tom. I'm good. You?" Logan tries to put on a genuine smile as he grabs a bottle of water, before walking to the register Tom is at. All his previous memories of this place fill his mind.

"Very well. How come you're here alone? Was James busy this weekend? I know you were last weekend."

Logan stares at him wide-eyed. James was here last weekend? And lied about them being together?

But as he stares at Tom, he can see why James didn't tell him. Tom looks too hopeful and happy to see him and he doesn't want to crush him. "I know. Our schedules just haven't linked up well. I figured since he was here last week, I'd come this week."

Tom nods back, "Well, you guys need to come together soon."

And it's Logan's turn to nod and then soon he's saying his goodbyes to him, so he can get on his way to the mountain.

But every memory of this town comes rushing back to him. That first time he and James came here.

It was an amazing weekend. Each one was. Being away from work and just spending all his time with James was great. And to have all of James' attention is something he's missed quite a lot.

And he could have it again. Maybe. At least he hopes he could.

It's been five days since he ran into James at the art show and he still hasn't called him. He wants to, he really does. He's just scared.

What if James realized that he doesn't want to be with Logan and that everything the other night was a mistake?

Kendall told him he was being ridiculous, that his mind was coming up with it's own misery. Everyday, Kendall would ask Logan if he has called him yet.

Logan eventually just told him that he will, but first he wanted to go to Norfolk to clear his head. Then he would.

He really does plan to call. Every day his mind thinks about seeing James again. Being back in their apartment together and having their life together again.

Though, he hopes it doesn't end the same way it did last time.

But he can't think about what could happen in the future. He needs to focus on the now.

That's what he's going to do. After reliving a bit of their past by coming up to Haystack Mountain.

Soon enough, he's standing at the watch tower, looking into the sea of trees.

It always takes his breath away being here. Staring out at the world in front of him. He never imagined how beautiful this could look not covered in snow, because he's only ever been here in the winter time.

"I shouldn't be surprised you're here," a familiar voice breaks Logan out of his thoughts.

He whips around, only to be met with the one person he's been thinking about. "Are you stalking me?" he jokes, smiling.

James laughs out, but shakes his head. "I promise I'm not. Though, sometimes it feels like it. I keep seeing you everywhere."

Logan chuckles, before looking down at his feet. "Were you here last week? Tom mentioned it." His gaze slowly goes back to James.

"Um, yeah..." And James is mentally freaking out, Tom probably asked him why he was so busy he couldn't be there and Logan would know about his lie. "I...he...you know, don't you?" He could see that knowing smirk on Logan's face.

"Yeah," he sighs. "But it's okay. I couldn't even admit to him that we broke up."

"Really?" James can't actually believe that Logan lied as well about them still dating.

He nods. "I think Tom would have been crushed to find out we aren't together anymore," he jokes.

They both laugh, still both trying to think of the perfect thing to say to the other.

After the laughs die down, James becomes serious, looking right at him. "Logan, I really am sorry. And I know that doesn't change anything or make what I did better, but I am. So much, and I wish I could go back and make it all right again."

Logan nods, taking in what he has said and he can see the sincerity in James' eyes. "It's fine. I think maybe we needed this." And Logan does think that maybe if they give their relationship another shot, that it will be stronger this time. Plus, he never would have met Kendall if it wasn't for their break-up.

"Well, it definitely opened my eyes to what an asshole I was."

"See, that's good," and Logan's still smiling.

"Do you think we'll ever get back to what we were?" James whispers.

Logan sighs, "I don't know. It's gonna be hard, because..." he decides to just tell James his fear, "...I don't want to be hurt again."

Stepping up to Logan, James cups his cheek, "I will never hurt you, Logan."

At hearing that, Logan steps back, making James' hand fall. "But you did. You used to say that you'd never hurt me and then you did. How do I know it won't happen again?"

"I won't let it. I can't lose you again, Logan."

"But you still don't know what will happen."

"I don't. But I'm not gonna let it."

"Because James, I can't do this again. This past year hurt too much." Logan looks almost on the verge of tears.

And James steps up to him again, this time holding Logan's face in both of his hands. "I know, and that's why I won't let this happen again." He can see the doubt in Logan's eyes. "Look, I know it's hard for you to believe me, I get that and I understand. But I promise, I love you too much to put you through this again." And he can't go through it again.

Finally, Logan meets James' gaze. He wants to believe and he supposes, deep down, he does. But he's still scared.

And there's Kendall's voice, telling him a life without risk is a life unlived. He does want to risk it with James. He'd risk possible heartache, just to have those amazing times again.

He wants to risk it, so he can wake up to this face again. To hear him say good morning. To kiss him goodnight. To come here a year from now.

And he knows it's going to be different and difficult and not like it was. But maybe because their relationship won't be exactly the same, means that it will end differently and will end in fifty years, rather than five.

Whatever happens though, he's ready to be with James again.

Those hazel eyes are burning into him, down to his core, into his soul, desperate to hear him say he wants this. And he's sure. He needs James again. Besides, he has to double date with Kendall and Carlos.

Logan leans up, bringing their lips together. James makes a surprised gasp, not expecting him to do that, but he immediately melts into Logan.

It's a soft kiss, not at all like the one they shared a few days ago. Just trying to show each other how much they need the other. Even after all the pain, they still need each other.

They pull apart and Logan's smiling up at James, "I love you."

James basically breathes a sigh of relief, "I love you too, so much." He goes in for one more quick kiss, before pulling back to stare into those brown eyes.

But Logan turns away, walking to the ledge, resting both hands on the cool stone beneath his palms.

James frowns slightly, but it is instantly turned into a smile when Logan speaks.

"At least now, we can come here when it's green with the flowers blooming, instead of snow."

Chuckling, James walks to stand next to him, "One year from now." He rests his hand on top of Logan's, linking their fingers together.

He sees Logan nod out of the corner of his eye, making his heart swell at the fact that Logan's already accepting they can still have a future together.

Smiling, James turns to look at Logan fully, who's grinning, staring out onto the hills. And they're going to try it. To risk possible pain, because the pain being away is greater. But James isn't going to let Logan drift away from him.

Continuing to stare out from the watch tower, James grips Logan's hand tighter, not wanting to let him go.


End file.
